Posts Tagged ‘understanding’

Separation Anxiety

July 17, 2021

Pentecost 8 – 2021
Mark 6:30-34, 53-56
Marian Free

In the name of God who understands our every need. Amen.

Anyone who has ever had to care for a toddler will know that there is no such thing as privacy. Toddlers have not yet found their place in the world. Their sense of security is still tied up with the adults with whom they are most familiar, and they want to be wherever those adults are.

Specialists tell us that separation anxiety is perfectly normal in children between 8 and 14 months. This is when they are starting to move around independently but concurrently they are losing the closeness and security that was associated with being carried from place to place and of having an adult with them when they entered new surroundings. At this stage of their development, children have not yet learned that separations from parents are not permanent and as babies have no concept of time, it is easy for them to imagine that a parent who moves out of sight is gone for ever .

For a child who is just learning to crawl or walk, the world has suddenly expanded, and it will take time for her (or him) to feel confident and secure in this new setting. This means that they will want to keep their primary caregiver within sight so that they can be reassured that they are safe. No wonder it is impossible for a parent or baby-sitter to have a shower or even to close the toilet door when the child is awake! The child just needs to know that you are still there. All the same having a child on your tail all day can be trying and a simple pleasure like taking a shower can become pure luxury.

The account of the beheading of John the Baptist has interrupted Mark’s narrative regarding the sending out of the disciples. At the beginning of chapter six Jesus sent out the twelve and gave them authority over the unclean spirits. The twelve went out and “cast out many demons and anointed with oil many who were sick and cured them.”

Our gospel today picks up the story. The apostles have returned after their successful mission. No doubt they are both are excited and overwhelmed by all that God has worked through them. They are almost certainly exhausted by their efforts and are bursting to share with Jesus and each other about all their experiences.

Not surprisingly, the crowds are excited too. Impressed by what they have witnessed, or wanting to bask in the disciples’ reflected glory, they are terrified that if they let Jesus out of their sight he and his friends might just disappear and leave them in a vacuum. Plus, there is so much that they simply do not understand. In their anxiety they press in on Jesus and the disciples such that ‘there was no leisure’ for Jesus and the disciples ‘even to eat’, let alone time for them to rest.

Whatever Jesus own needs are, he perceives that the twelve need time and space to process all that has happened to them and all that has been accomplished. He suggests that they find somewhere quiet– a place in the wilderness away from distractions and from the press of the crowds. Escape proves impossible. Jesus’ plan is thwarted. The crowds, like toddlers, cannot bear to be separated from Jesus. Their sense of the world and of who they are, has been challenged by Jesus’ teaching and actions. They are no longer the people they were – dependent on the priest and Pharisees, but they are a long way off being independent. They have not yet fully grasped what it means to be a follower of Jesus and what faith they have is tentative and uncertain. Jesus has opened the door to a new way of being and a new way of seeing but their understanding is limited and not fully formed. They are worried that without Jesus and/or the disciples there will be no one to help them to make sense of or to help them to navigate the new world that is opening before them.

So, when the people see Jesus get into the boat with the disciples, they anticipate where he is going and race ahead on foot.

Instead of finding the peace and quiet he longs for, Jesus arrives on the shore to see a great crowd but, like a patient parent, he does not get back into the boat and go somewhere else. He does not sigh in frustration or explode in anger nor does not send the crowd away or demand to be left alone. Jesus can see these people for who they are – lost, immature in faith and longing for someone to lead them. They are like toddlers, insecure, anxious, dependent, not sure that they are safe, not confident that they can find their way on their own. To use Jesus’ language, they are like ‘sheep without a shepherd’. Peace (like a shower) will have to wait. Jesus understands that however much he needs time and space to reflect, he will need to attend to the needs of these people before he can begin to meet the needs of himself and his disciples.

And what do they need? They need to learn and to grow. It is not miracles that will enable them to stand on their own two feet. Casting out demons will not help them to discern what Jesus is offering or to grasp the new horizons that are opening out before them. So, Jesus doesn’t heal but teaches them many things. He tries to give them the tools that they need to grow in faith and understanding, to equip them to develop their own relationship with God.

Sometimes we come across people who make demands on our time or who seem to want to claim our attention even when we are busy or focussed on something else. Such people can seem immature, selfish, and demanding. If we take a leaf out of Jesus’ book perhaps we can try to see what drives their behaviour and, while not allowing ourselves to be taken advantage of, we can demonstrate patience, compassion and understanding instead of sending them away empty handed.

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Abundance not sacrifice – Lent is God’s gift to us, our gift to ourselves

March 12, 2016

Lent 5 – 2016

John 12:1-8

Marian Free

In the name of God whose outpouring of love is more than we can ever imagine.  Amen.

It is just possible that I am turning into a grumpy old woman or it may be that I am by nature someone who tends to take the world and faith seriously. Whatever it is, I have found myself being irritated or disappointed by the attitude that some people (particularly via social media) have taken towards Lent. There have been posts on Facebook by people bemoaning the fact that they are saying “goodbye” to beer or wine or some other treat for forty days as if Lent is a burden imposed upon them rather than something taken up freely. Other people have posted cartoons, which again make it seem that Lent is at worst some interminable punishment or at best a trial that has to be endured. To be fair, I am sure that most of the posts are from people who do take Lent seriously and who assume that their friends will understand that they are simply making light of it not expressing how they really feel.

It does concern me however that the negative messages about Lent, give the wrong idea – not only about the practice of Lent but about the Christian faith – to the non-Christians who hear or read them. Those who are not in on the secret could be forgiven for thinking that Lent is a period of misery expected by an exacting and demanding God instead of seeing it as a time of self-imposed abstinence that will liberate us to know more fully an indulgent and affirming deity.

The readings for the first four weeks of Lent have encouraged us to turn our lives around and to remove the barriers that separate us from the overwhelming abundance of God’s love. John the Baptist urged us to “repent” (literally – turn around), the parable of the fig tree reminded us that we share with all of humanity its frailty and imperfections, Jesus’ lament over Jerusalem gave us an insight into the sorrow experienced by God because of our refusal to accept God’s love and the parable of the two sons demonstrated God’s utter refusal to exclude us from that love and at the same time reminded us of the ways in which we place ourselves beyond the reach of God’s affection.

Today, as we approach the end of our forty days, we are confronted by a description of an act of intimacy, extravagance and tenderness – not of God towards us, but of Mary towards God. At first the gospel seems out of place an action of such beauty and lavishness seems to conflict with a time of fasting and self-denial.  But today’s gospel is a perfect fit – not only with the gospel readings that have preceded it, but also with the central purpose of Lent. In conjunction with the gospels of the past four weeks, today’s gospel sums up what Lent is about and what we can hope to achieve.

We discover, if we plumb the lectionary offerings, that Lent is primarily about ensuring that we are in the best condition possible to accept God’s love for us. We allow ourselves a period of prayer and self-examination to reflect on our lives and in particular to consider whether or not we are truly open to the love that God is constantly pouring out on us. Fasting and self-denial are not intended to be a way of  “mortifying” or denying the flesh” but a means of identifying and ridding ourselves of the obstacles that we place between ourselves and God – obstacles which are just as likely to be emotional and psychological as they are to be physical.

When we strip ourselves bare, when we purge ourselves of all the things that prevent us from experiencing the fullness of God’s love, we will be simply overwhelmed by the outpouring God’s grace and the generosity and the bounty of God’s affection. We will be astounded that God could love us so much and we will be acutely aware of our little we deserve that love.

Lent is a lesson of love, God’s extravagant, unconditional and boundless love, which is ours for the taking. The disciplines of Lent are not intended to weigh us down, but to prepare us to receive God’s love without question and without hesitation.

This is where Mary fits in. Mary, the sister of Lazarus, responds to God’s love with an extravagance that matches Jesus’ own. Mary is the perfect example of someone who has allowed herself to be stripped bare, who has opened herself completely and unreservedly to God’s scrutiny and in so doing has discovered not judgement but compassion, not condemnation but understanding, not rejection, but complete and total acceptance. Mary responds in the only way possible – with a demonstration of her deep and humble gratitude.

Even by today’s standards, Mary’s actions open her to disapproval – the loose hair, the public and intimate display of affection, the extravagance and waste. Yet for Mary there is no other response that will adequately express her reaction to God’s love for her. Mary throws caution, propriety and decorum to the wind. She has no thought of what others might think of her only that she must express her own love in a way that matches her experience of the love of God.

Lent then, is not so much about sacrifice as it is about abundance, not so much about self-denial as it is about self-acceptance, not so much about being unable to measure up, but about realizing that there is nothing against which to measure ourselves. Lent is less about sacrifice and more about abundance – about discovering the abundance that emanates from God and not from the world. Lent is less about will power and more about letting go – for it is only when we truly let go that we are able open ourselves to the wealth that is ours for the taking.

During Lent we identify and shed the obstacles that separate us from the love of God – a love so overwhelmingly abundant that it calls for a response that is extravagant, intimate and tender a response like that of Mary sister of Lazarus.

Forty days is not much to ask – in fact it almost seems far too little to give when we gain so much in return.

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When it gets too hard do you wish to go away?

August 19, 2012

Pentecost 12

John 6:51-58

Marian Free

 In the name of God – source of life, wisdom and joy. Amen.

 “Do you also wish to go away?” Jesus’ question to his disciples in verse 67 catches us by surprise. These are the people with whom he has chosen to share his mission, his most private moments. In their turn, they have chosen to follow him despite what others might think. Why would they now want to go away? Today’s gospel helps us to understand the lead up to Jesus’ question. In fact, we have to go back to the beginning of chapter 6 to see how the tension builds to the point where some disciples leave Jesus and Jesus is forced to ask the remainder if they too wish to leave. The author of John’s gospel records the account of the feeding of the five thousand and Jesus’ walking on the water as do the other three gospels. According to the author of John, the crowds which have been following Jesus, discover that he is on the other side of the lake and pursue him. This provides Jesus with an opportunity to challenge their self-centredness and to elaborate on his role and his mission.

Jesus perceives that the crowds are primarily interested in what he can do for them – provide food, heal the sick and so on. These signs, while important, are not the real reason that Jesus is here. He challenges those who have followed to seek the deeper meaning of Jesus’ presence among them. Bread sustains the body for a limited time. Jesus asks his listeners to consider the sort of food that will sustain them in the present and more importantly for eternity. He asks them to look beyond their physical needs for sustenance and to seek the food that endures – the spiritual food that sustains the soul. This is the food that he provides to those who seek it.

As part of this argument, Jesus claims to be the ‘bread of life’. We are so familiar with this concept that it can be difficult for us to understand how such a discussion could create the sort of offense that would cause some of Jesus’ disciples to abandon him and Jesus to ask if others too wish to go away. Jesus as the ‘bread of life’ provides us with strength and courage, spiritual nourishment and support.  Perhaps if Jesus had left the argument there his disciples would have remained with him. However, Jesus has claimed to be the bread from heaven which endures forever – unlike the manna in the wilderness which sustained the Israelites in the present, but which was unable to give them eternal life. Among his listeners would have been those who would have heard Jesus’ suggestion that he was more important than – in fact that he had superseded Moses.

If that claim were not confronting enough, Jesus makes the even more disturbing claim: “I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats of this brad will live forever; and the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh. Very truly, I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.” Not only is the idea of eating flesh and drinking blood utterly repulsive, it is impossible for Jesus’ audience to grasp such a difficult and distressing concept. Many of them know Jesus, they know his mother and his father. They know that he is a human being like themselves – how can he say that he has come down from heaven? It is impossible for them to even begin to conceive that it is possible, let alone necessary for them to consume this man’s flesh and blood if they are to have eternal life! No wonder many of his disciples turned back and no longer went about with him! They say: “This teaching is difficult, who can accept it?”

They have failed to understand that Jesus, through this dramatic and uncomfortable language, Jesus is asking his followers not to physically eat him, but to become one with him, to allow him to become so much a part of them that it is as if they are indeed one flesh and blood. Eating and drinking are metaphors for this complete unity. In some way faith is a process of somehow absorbing Jesus into our lives and allowing our lives to be absorbed into that of Jesus.

Eating and drinking are strong images, but they are not totally unfamiliar. We say to children: “I could just eat you!” We don’t mean that literally, we just mean that we love them so much that we don’t want to be separated from them. This is the sort of relationship that Jesus is asking his disciples (and us) to have with him.

It is at this point that Jesus asks those who remain: “Do you also wish to go away?” To which Peter responds: “Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life.  We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.” Peter, who so often fails to understand, who so often gets it wrong has cut to the core. He may not always understand what Jesus has to say, but he knows what Jesus means – to himself and to the world. Peter may not really understand Jesus’ teaching at this point, but he is sure of one thing – that there is nowhere that he would rather be, nowhere else that he would receive the sort of spiritual guidance that he has found in Jesus. He knows that in the present and in the future, it is his relationship with Jesus that has opened the doors of heaven.

I suspect that it is the same for us. There may be times when we do not understand – when scripture seems too difficult, when the events of our lives or the lives of others seem inexplicable – but we with Peter know that Jesus is the means to eternal life. We have thrown in our lot with Jesus, and nothing in this life or the next will separate us.

 

 

 

 

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