Swallowsrest

Pentecost 15 – 2026

Matthew 18:1-20

Marian Free

In the name of God, from whom nothing is hidden. Amen.

In my experience the church is notoriously bad at dealing with conflict. In a synodical situation where strongly held but opposing views are held, the situation can sometimes be quite combative – each side using every tool in their tool box to make their point and to destroy the arguments of the other. This was evident during all the years when the Anglican Church was discussing the ordination of women – first as Deacons, then as priests, and finally as bishops. Those who opposed the ordination of women were intransigent and at times quite threatening. That is not to say that division rules the national church. There are times, both locally and nationally when groups with divergent views come together to rewrite motions in such a way that a majority of can support them. In such cases, a motion becomes unifying instead of divisive.

In Parishes however, there are no such mechanisms. There seems to be an expectation that Christians will automatically get along with each other, showing Christian love, exercising tolerance, and extending forgiveness. As a consequence, division, tensions and resentments often simmer just below the surface. Conflicts are not addressed openly because of a misunderstanding of what it means to love another in a Christian context.

Loving one’s neighbour can be interpreted as making excuses for someone who is easily angered or who undermines the work of others. Loving the person without addressing the behaviour means that there is no way for the offended person or persons to deal with the hurt that has been inflicted. Forgiveness extended in such circumstances implies that the behaviour is condoned. Similarly, enduring hurts and or neglect that have been deliberately or thoughtlessly inflicted can be given a positive, “Christian” spin, if it they interpreted as “taking up one’s cross”, bearing pain (albeit unnecessary pain) “for Jesus’ sake.” Jesus’ injunction to be “humble’ can lead to a person disguising ambition while at the same time seeking to gain influence indirectly.

 What this means is that some Christian communities which look caring and functional on the outside can be dysfunctional combinations of individual insecurities.

In writing his gospel, Matthew has divided Jesus’ teaching into five or six blocks – the first and longest being what we call the Sermon on the Mount. Chapter 18, the chapter we are reading through at the moment, is often called the community chapter because in it Matthew records Jesus’ teaching on how to live as a community – being as children, doing nothing that would cause harm to another member of the community, how to deal with conflict and forgiveness. Scholars believe that references to “little ones” here and elsewhere in Matthew refers to members of the community.

Jesus’ foresight here is incredible. How would he know that after his death communities would form and would behave in the ways communities have behaved since the beginning of time – with people struggling for places of authority, hurt and lonely people trying to find a place in which they belong, and people who find meaning in suffering.  He appears to know too how damaging it can be to leave tensions unaddressed, wounds untended, and expectations unmet. Here here he provides a way to deal with conflict and in so doing makes it clear that tensions should not be left to bubble under the surface, and hurts should not be buried but should be brought out into the open.

Bringing conflicts out into the open is difficult and painful. The offender does not like to come face-to-face with their dark side and the one who has been hurt may worry about being seen as weak or precious.

There is wisdom in Jesus’ approach. The first step in conflict resolution is for the one who has experienced hurt to have a private conversation with the one who has caused the hurt. This is not an easy conversation, but it means that neither the offender or the one offended against needs to lose face. If this doesn’t work involve just one or two others who might be able to diffuse the tension and between them tease out what has happened, explain to the offender why the offended against feels as they do, or why their behaviour was inappropriate. Sometimes it takes more than that. Sometimes the wrong-doer cannot appreciate the extent of the harm they have caused. In which case the whole community might need to be enlisted to resolve the issue.

If the offender still doesn’t appreciate the consequences of what they have done,  they cannot see that their behaviour is inconsistent with living in the community of Christ it may indicate that for the time being they need to be excluded. (For a contemporary example we need look no further than to the perpetrators of child sexual abuse who cannot accept the enormity of the harm that they have inflicted.)

In today’s corporate world, in the field of education and psychology there are multiple forms of conflict resolution all of which validate Jesus’ injunction that conflict needs to be addressed rather than allowed to fester, that successful communities are those that are able to be open and honest with each other and which don’t paper over difference for the sake of looking loving and united on the outside.

It is important to note that the mending of relationships, not the judgement of the wrong-doer is at the centre of Jesus’ teaching. This will become evident in next week’s gospel when Peter (obviously concerned by what Jesus has just said) asks how many times must one forgive.

Jesus doesn’t spell out exactly how to resolve conflict, he doesn’t use the language of modern psychology to reinforce his argument, but he provides a beginning and, if you like, a principle – that disagreements should not be left to fester.

All our relationships – with our friends, and within our families, our community groups, our churches – are enhanced and deepened if we can be authentic and honest with each other, if we mend bridges rather than patch over them. Being in Christ does not mean living in uneasy harmony, but in acknowledging our differences and learning to live together with them.

 

 

 

 

 

Tags: authentic community, conflict resolution, harmony, honesty

This entry was posted on September 6, 2026 at 12:41 am and is filed under Matthew. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.